Wednesday, July 4, 2007

I'm a geezer, init?

After watching a few of those modern, guy ritchie type gangster movies I decided to compile a list of rules for aspiring crime lords. Here's a few things that crime bosses should remember;



Never let some fast talking smart ass kid talk his way out of trouble. I'll admit, it's not every day you meet some teenager willing to crack jokes with an underworld figure who is clearly only here to get his money or kill a bitch, but this is no time to go soft and admire his moxy. Instead take the approach that if some little punk managed to lose/steal/gamble his way into a few hundred grands worth of trouble with you and has no way of repaying you that you should probably kill him. It's not going to tarnish your reputation, it will in fact only cement the bad ass image you have spent years cultivating. You are after all, a crime boss.
Under no circumstances should you decide to use him in a plan so fiendish in it's intricacies that it is doomed to blow up in your face even before you add the aforementioned smart ass who has absolutely nothing to lose by weaving a giant web of double crosses and back stabs. Let's face it, you're probably going to kill him anyway and he probably knows this. You are just encouraging him.
If you decide you have to kill someone, to get a point across, him or his friend, so the other one knows you mean business, try and kill the guy who is better dressed, has a bit more savvy and looks like he is more capable of formulating a plan to get back at your empire and leave you in the poor house.
If you do want to kill one of them, always use your own guys. And for choice, make it one of the burly ones who lifts weights, eats meat and has done some time in jail. But most importantly make sure it is one of your henchmen who is not likely to be overpowered by a brat in his early twenties who only shaves once a week for heavens sake.
And remember, there just aren't that many coincidences in the universe at any one time. If the last 48hours seems to contain an unnatural number of freaky synchronicities, then someone is almost certainly lying to you.

5 comments:

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johnny said...

dude i sent you an email to your ninja with attitude address, need a letter for reason of travelling, pronto,

john

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