Bonfire of the Manatees

Hello boys and girls, are you all sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...
Briefly, before I bring you all up to date with my news I should like to offer some advise to the owners of the new karaoke bar in Chiang Mai. Your attempts to draw attention to the amount of class your joint has should not be done in neon fucking strip lights, that's a basic. Also, I might venture the opinion that you should use a more subtle nomenclature than 'Hi-class Karaoke'. Firstly, high class joints, as a rule use correct spelling in their signs. Secondly, they usually aren't full of bikini'd girls with fucking numbers on their arses. I'm afraid your attempts to trick out your brothel are as misguided as a hippy who doesn't shave her armpits thinking the best way to make headway on the popularity front is to shout 'aciiiiiid' every time I pass her. The stupid bitch.
While I'm having a go at the hippies, I would also like to point out that the sagely wisdom of 'Live each day as though it were your last', is best suited to middle aged folks who have spent every waking hour in the rat race and have let fun pass them by in an effort to make enough money to enjoy themselves. You don't need to keep saying it to a bunch of rich American twenty-somethings in a nightclub in the hope that one of them will let you jump her bones for being so fucking free spirited. By virtue of the fact that she's going home with at least two boxers she's just met we can safely assume she's already living each day as though it were her last, you prick. Anyway, if she follows your suggestion she may well wake up one day aged fourty-five, no job, no family, no house and no fucking hope. And yes, I am aware of the glaring irony, so you can all skip that e-mail.
Ok. So I have changed my plans slightly, and I am now going to skip the islands and train for a fight instead. So, with all going according to plan, I'll be fighting on christmas eve. Against the same guy I fought in Kawila. You can see it all here http://blip.tv/file/929394/ Which leads me nicely into giving much love to Colin 'world's sexiest painter' Byrne. The whole thing is an hour and fourty minutes long and I haven't watched past the ten minute mark, so I've no idea what it's like, but I imagine Colly has used as much care and attention to detail in this as he does in his interior decorating. So, it'll be really good at the start, all the way through and then a little rushed at the end.
Finally, I'd like to have a bash at the muslims who I think have gotten off rather easy of late. I was giggling away at pictures of Mohammed, when it occurred to me that when there was that whole thing about setting Denmark on fire because a newspaper showed pictures of their prophet, despite the fact that Denmark is not a Muslim country. Well the whole thing struck me as not dis-similar to what the Nazis did to the Jews circa 1930. That's right. Those loveable rogues, the Nazis. They too went through town, showing their disapproval to certain images by setting everything on fire. Yes, I know it's not very current news but I wanted to be sure I nailed it.
Anyway, I'm done. Fuck off. In fact, fuck off, come back and then fuck off again.