Saturday night's alright for fighting...

That's the only time I'll quote Elton John-I swear.
I came. I saw. I kicked his ass! Right so, where do I start? At the beginning I suppose.
So...when I was asked if I wanted a fight I told the promoter that I was still a bit out of shape and that I'd like to get more training done before I got in the ring. "That ok", he said. "No problem. He fat boy. Like you." Right. Thanks. You forgot to mention my body odour. Anyway, after a bit of cajoling from Tim, I agreed and started my fight prep. The promoter later added, that the Thai guy hadn't fought before.
As I said before, my ribs were a bit of concern, but the couple of days rest beforehand, settled them down quite a bit. There was still a bit of a twinge but I wasn't going to back out. Actually, the few days off were a bit mentally taxing. What else does a fighter with nothing else to do before a fight think about? Luckily for me, Tom Murphy was in town and did an excellent job of keeping my mind occupied. I suspected he might be, but didn't really mind, as it was working. I was nice and relaxed until I saw my fight poster in town, about six hours before the off.
Got to the stadium in due course and watched some of the warm up fights. First fight ended with a kid having his face sliced open by an elbow. Second fight was some sort of an eye injury. Jovan, one of the gym's seasoned veterans, a nice guy, and a real straight shooter says to me that I should get ready to warm up as it looked like a night of knock outs. Nice one. Cause I wasn't nervous enough.
During the warm up, my trainer was speaking Thai to some other guys around us, while he gave me a boxing liniment massage. There was a lot of giggling and the like and I tried not to let it eat my confidence. Actually they were laughing at how much oil my chest hair was soaking up. Then I heard Jovan taking to Tim, my corner man. He was going on about a fighter being switched and the new guy was heavier, fitter and more experienced than the guy who was meant to fight. Surely he couldn't mean my guy? Oh yes he could. Fortunately I didn't find out until after the fight. Although I had a sneaking suspicion when he got into the ring. A sleek looking dude, with a mean look to him. And far too relaxed to be a debutante.
I also had his corner asking me over and over, 'are you the fighter?', and laughing, then more girlish giggling at my shadow boxing and plenty of nudging and winking. Which, at first, started to destroy my confidence, but soon turned to rage, which I decided to bottle up for an explosion at a later date. Not much later, as it turned out.
I was a bit nervous by the time it came to go out but Tim had been talking to me and had settled my nerves and got me back in to focus, just as the adrenaline was threatening to embarrass me, all over the back of my pants.
Went out, did my Wai Kru and the match started. I got first touch with a nice kick to his body. That was a bit easier than I thought it would be. He answered with a kick to my arms that didn't hurt a bit. Until a half a second later. Then he landed one on my body which I registered but didn't feel, if you know what I mean. ( I can fucking feel it now, mind you) But I decided that I couldn't afford to let that happen again, so I started checking the kicks from then on. I remember landing a punch flush on the guys face, and he shot me a dirty look for my trouble. Then he stepped up his game a notch. He did land a very hard kick to my head, which made me go... ... ..., ok I'm still awake. He hit me hard although I checked it, but I remember mentally telling him that he had brought a fart to a shit fight, and stepped my own game up, several notches past his comfort zone. I went in hard with a couple of shots, we clinched and I was able to pull him around easily enough. I must admit to letting nerves get the better of me and I wasn't entirely sure what I should be doing. My mind had gone blanker than a retard's expression at a magic show. Then, like an alarm clock in the middle of a sex dream, Tim's voice cut through the haze, telling me to 'fucking knee him'. So I did, a couple of ineffectual ones to the body, and a beauty to the face. It didn't feel that hard to me, but he went down from it. I was expecting him to jump straight back up and was waiting to go for him again, but the ref started counting and Tim was shouting at me to wait in a neutral corner.
And that was more or less it. The ref came over, held up my hand, and walked me round the ring. Yay, me.
So, that was my first fight. First round knock out. I couldn't have hoped for a better result, to be honest. Well actually, I was hoping to kill him in the ring but I'll work on my death touch for another time.
To be honest, I did make a few mistakes, which I saw on the video, but I have something to work on for the next fight. I am also owed a bashing from Tim for dropping my guard, but he'll have to wait till Monday for his fun.
Oh and to the big fat faced, stupid ronnie moustached, girly laugh guy, I'd just like say;
INYOURFACE! SUCKA!