3 months high and rising

Well, I have 3 months under my belt now and I have to go and get my Visa stamped by a sadistic border guard, who I'm fairly sure will have lost his enthusiasm for his job around the same time as his will to live, ability to ignore his wife's ugliness and his power to disregard his failing as a parent. "How do you know so much, oh wise and powerful Dave?" I hear you ask. By the way, you forget to mention handsome. Well reader, oh, and modest, it's because I met him last week and like the fun loving rogue he is, refused to stamp my passport because I was ten minutes late. The Cunt. The massive Cunt.
Finished my massage course on Friday, which was really good but by the end of it I had grabbed more nuts than a hungry squirrel who just found out that this year the family wont be sharing.
The Songkran festival ended today. Traditionally, the Thais would sprinkle water on the back of each other's necks, to wash away the bad luck of last year and prepare them for a fortuitous new year, then they would do the same for the Buddha statues using perfumed oil. However, these days it's more like a city-wide water fight, between 200,000 happy revellers, with neither sides nor rules. Great fun actually. I know it sounds like a pain in the arse but once you accept that no matter how hard you try, you'll be soaked. Some cruel fuckers melt ice into their water so it's freezing once it hits you, though someone usually gets you with some warm water from the moat shortly afterwards. Moat water, pleasant on the skin but not entirely delicious. So yeah, it's fun for a few days but like a guy at a party who's only joke is to punch your shoulder really hard, it gets old fairly quick. So if your going to Thailand, try and go during Songkran, a festival involving thousands of fit, drunk chicks in wet t shirts. And because the Thais look so young and you can't really tell their age, it's ideal for a paedophile who doesn't really want to risk jail at the Big Tiger. Also, even if your not a racist, you can still enjoy a guilty chuckle when the Thais sing 'yerrow remon tlee'.
Got the hang of riding the bike after a few days. I'm probably get a gun next week, to complete the set. Then everyone will know I have a massive cock. Although in truth, the honeymoon with the bike and by proxy the legend of Steve Mc Queen, ended the first time it lashed rain when I was out, getting soaked, barely able to see and eating the crap from a thousand other poor saps trying to get home. And while we're on the subject, I'm not one for broad generalisations, unless it's about hookers...and unnecessarily cruel obviously, but what is the deal with Asian drivers. Holy shit, they are dangerous. Not so much in the cities but out on the motorways. I needed two hand and two feet to count the number of times we we're nearly killed driving to Burma for a look inside a fascist's hutch to watch his soul getting sucked into a gloomy void that followed him around. He is still a massive cunt.
That's all guys, talk to y'all next week.